Where is the hickey?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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