Jerry, you need to find god
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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