I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
