I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
