Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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