Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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