remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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