I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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