he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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