i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize