Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
