3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
