im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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