We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
