well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
