Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
