obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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