His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
