Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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