The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We have so much sex to catch up on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
