We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
