Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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