you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
