hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
is it fun? or sober?
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