and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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