i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
