i may or may not be watching the land before time
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
