I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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