Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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