pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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