there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
