Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize