Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
