She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
