She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
