I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
