Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
