FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
