so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
