I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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