I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize