i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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