morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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