My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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