Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
