Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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