Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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