Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
