Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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