tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
