this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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