Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
