Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fill condoms, not promises.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
