Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
