you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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