sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
