I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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