oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
