and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
