I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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