Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
