my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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