Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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