You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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