So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
