i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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