Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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