I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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