he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize