i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this boner is exhausting
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
